I think I'm in love...

...with our RE.

I can't believe it. I got exactly what I wanted. I feel more relaxed and encouraged about trying to have a baby than I have in over 9 months. Today I was able to do what I so desperately have needed to do: let someone else take the wheel.

My appointment this morning was at 9:30. When I walked into the office, I was the only patient there-- something I saw as a good sign. My former ob/gyn's office always has at least 25 people in the waiting room and, as a result, always has at least a half hour wait. This time? Less than 5 minutes.

I met the nurse and she ushered me into the vital signs area where they weighed me and took my blood pressure which was (surprise, surprise) a bit high. Then I went into the exam room. Dr. M came in a few minutes later, introduced herself and said that she wanted to go through my paperwork with me. Together, we waded through the 10 page questionnaire that I filled out prior to the appointment, looked at my BBT charts, and sifted through my lab work that the ob/gyn did a few weeks ago.

She did a pelvic exam to check my ovaries (good!) and my cervix (also good!)-- I was glad to hear that there was no scaring or problems as a result of the cryosurgery I had about 5 years ago to treat cervical dysplasia. She went ahead and did my CD3 Bloodwork to check my FSH, LH & Estradiol levels. Then, we did a pelvic ultrasound to look at my ovaries and check my follicles. 7 on the left ovary, 5 on the right. All normal!

So, we sat back down, and made a plan:

1) TSH levels are too high. (Physical exam also showed that my thyroid is swollen.) Dr. M says that they should be no higher than 2.5 for a healthy pregnancy. She wrote me a prescription for Synthroid (25 mcg to start) and will test my levels again in 4-6 weeks. (I feel so vindicated, I knew it!)

2) I'm wavering between not ovulating at all and ovulating too late-- she wants to see me ovulate before CD21. She wrote me a prescription for Clomid (50mg) & I'll take my first pill tonight!

The timing of this appointment couldn't have been any better-- if we had been even ONE day off, it would have delayed our treatment a full cycle. But I was able to get all of my bloodwork done today, plus my baseline ultrasound, plus start our first (maybe only?!) cycle of Clomid. Maybe this is the beginning of our good luck on the baby-making front!

The thing that I loved about this appointment was that I felt like every possibility was covered, no matter what happens. She laid out all of our options so that I'm never left wondering what the next step will be. First cycle is 50mg of Clomid-- If we don't have success, we'll increase to 100mg. If no success, we'll move on to 150mg. If we don't get pregnant within 3 cycles of Clomid, she will order both an SA for Rob and an HSG for me, but otherwise, she left the timing up to me. I can do it now or wait and see what happens-- I think I'd like to wait.

If we don't have success after three cycles of Clomid, we'll move on to injectibles. She put the option of IUI out on the table and let me know she'd be happy to do one on whatever cycle I choose. I explained that I'm really not ready to give up on the idea that our baby could be created at home in our bed instead of with my feet in stirrups at the doctor's office-- she understood completely. She just wanted me to know what my options were. If we do move on to IUI, she mentioned that we could bank semen samples if needed, so that if Rob was out of town when I was ovulating, they could inseminate me with the frozen samples. (Obviously, fresh is preferable, but Rob travels for work and school, so it may be something for us to consider if we move on to IUI.)

We breezed over some IVF details, but I really wasn't interested in talking much about them. I'm so hopeful that these other options will work for us, that all we need is a little hormonal help to get everything aligned properly.

My experience was just so unbelievably positive-- I never felt rushed, I never felt like I was being pushed in any direction that I wasn't on board with, and I never felt like she was speaking down to me. She appreciated how much I knew about my body, how much I knew about my options & told me that she wishes all of her patients were as well prepared for their appointments as I was.

So, the immediate plan:

Take Synthroid every morning starting tomorrow, 30 minutes before breakfast.

Take 50mg Clomid from CD2 (Tonight) until CD6 (Friday). Use OPKs from CD10-CD17. She recommended ClearBlue Easy Digital OPKs which is awesome, because I have tons of test sticks from the CBEFM that I can use with it. The results show either a smiley face or no smiley face-- no interpreting how dark a line is, thank God. (She asked me to test between 11am-2pm each day, so I'm going to have to find a way to discreetly test at work.) The best news is that if I ovulate during those 7 days, I'll either get pregnant or get my period in a reasonable period of time. If I don't ovulate, they'll start a progesterone prescription to bring on my period and get things started-- either way, no more 60 day cycles.

I practically floated through my day, feeling giddy with the possibility that this cycle holds. And when I came home from work tonight, there was a beautiful bouquet of pink Gerber daisies on the counter (my favorite) next to a bottle of Biltmore Pinot Noir (where spent our engagement & honeymoon) in celebration of our first appointment.

::swoon::

I think the only thing better than being in love with your RE, is being in love with your husband.

1 Down, 1 To Go

Late last night, I started spotting-- While I felt that typical twinge of disappointment at another failed cycle (My sore breasts for the last week gave me a little glimmer of hope that I kept trying to talk myself out of, but was never really able to.), I really was relieved that my period held off long enough to ensure that whatever tests that the RE orders can be done this cycle. So today is officially CD1.

The RE appointment is tomorrow. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm a bit sad that it's come to this, but I'm happy to be moving forward and getting some help. We're into our 7th cycle, and halfway through our 9th month. I started worrying the first month that we started trying to get pregnant that something was wrong. I don't know why, but I've always had a feeling that I wouldn't get pregnant easily. I don't know if it was just because I've always wanted it so much? I was a nanny all through college and every time I held those babies, I thought about how it would feel when the baby I was holding was finally mine. I still think about it, every single day.

When I got married, I planned most of the details of our wedding on my own-- picking out everything I wanted, making lists, sketching exactly how I wanted things to be. It wasn't until the day of our wedding that I was finally able to turn the details over to someone else, our wedding designer, who knew exactly what I wanted. She made my dreams come true. And having her there, knowing that my goals were her goals-- that peace of mind was priceless.

Over the past 9 months, I've felt like I've constantly had to be one step ahead of my ob/gyn: requesting tests, researching results, deferring meds. I'm ready for someone else to schedule the tests, interpret the results (correctly!) and make an aggressive yet comfortable plan for us.

This what I want more than anything tomorrow-- I'm ready to turn this over. I'm ready for someone to take the worry of trying to have a baby out of my hands. She knows what I want and will (hopefully) know what to do to make my dreams come true. The peace of mind & knowing that my goals are her goals will be priceless.

I'm looking forward to writing an update tomorrow night!

Happy Thanksgiving

Enjoying a lovely trip to SC with my husband, parents & brother. Ate way too much turkey today (baby not included).

Among many things to be thankful for this year, I got my progesterone results back yesterday. 10.2!! Definitely ovulated. Wish that it had been earlier in my cycle and wish that our timing had been better-- but you win some, you lose some, you know?

Happy Turkey Day, All!

Kate's Turn

Head on over t0 Mommy Kate's to see what she's thankful for this year & watch the most adorable video ever.

Congrats, Kate & Benjamin!!!

P.S. I just found out that it's Courtney's turn, too!!! Congrats Courtney & Clint!!!

Affirmation

I went in this morning for my progesterone blood work. As the nurse prepared my arm, she made conversation:

Her: "So, what cycle day are you on?"
Me: "49."
Her (taking a step back and blinking): "Do you mean 29?"
Me: "No, I mean 49."

Her: "And you know you're seven days past ovulation?"
Me: "Nine, actually. The Doc said to come in between 7-10dpo."

Her: "And how do you know?"
Me: "I chart my temperatures and had a thermal shift."
Her: "Well, ok... ... ..."

I then had to go through the whole deal about me having long cycles, ovulating late or not at all, that I already had one P4 test on CD21 but that I was told to come back if I see a temp shift, that I'm going to an RE next week and I just need to know if I'm ovulating late or not at all. The good news is that she thinks my results should be back by Wednesday of this week.

Just thinking about my interaction with this nurse affirmed that we're moving in the right direction by going to the RE. I'll be so thankful when I don't have to explain to a new nurse every time I walk through the door what's going on with me. Our fertility clinic is small (only 3 doctors) so I'm fairly certain that this won't be a regular occurrence. (I know that some clinics even "assign" you a nurse. Personal attention? ::Swoon::)

Today was, most likely, the last time I'll set foot in that ob/gyn's office and it feels GREAT. I needed to get my blood work done there, but now I'm making a clean break. I called and canceled my appointment for next week and set up an appointment with a new doctor in another office. The new doc's office is still in the hospital where I want to eventually deliver and I'm feeling confident that I'll like her.

Feeling like next week will be a fresh start in so many ways. Can't wait!

In A Good Place

Sorry that I haven't posted in a few days-- I haven't really had much to write about!

I'm at peace with whatever my body has decided to do this cycle. My temps for the past few days suggest that it's very possible that I ovulated on the day FF added my dotted CH. I'm going in on Monday for a progesterone test so that I don't have to wonder, but it really won't change the outcome. I would just like to be able to tell the RE whether I'm ovulating really late or not at all. (8 days until the big day!)

I've been doing a lot of reading about late ovulation lately-- I know how anovulation is linked to infertility, but I wanted to understand how late ovulation is linked. Here's one of the many things I read:

"The reason why late ovulation and infertility are linked is because of certain physiological reasons. For one, during late ovulation, the lining of the uterus gets older for successful implantation and therefore, makes it less receptive for fertilization. If you have long cycles on a regular basis, cycles that last longer than 35 days then you ovulate less than what is considered normal; further decreasing your chances of getting pregnant. Consider this; if you ovulate on the 22nd day of your menstrual cycle and your cycle lasts about 40 days, then you are ovulating comparatively less (about 9 times a year) than someone with a 28-day or a 30-day cycle (about 12-13 times a year). Also, with late ovulation the eggs don’t mature properly and as a result, are not good for fertilization and implantation. Your hormone levels are not exactly conducive for the eggs, hence decreasing your chances of pregnancy."

Makes sense, and whether I'm ovulating really late or not at all, I feel pretty certain that Clomid will be the first step (after the appropriate tests, of course). Rob and I have talked and we're ok with that-- I would just rather it be under the watchful eye of my RE, rather than a busy ob/gyn.

I never took the progesterone prescription that I had filled-- I was trying to time getting my period with the appointment, then I started questioning if I had ovulated right around the time I was going to start taking it. I'm glad I waited-- if I had taken it, I wouldn't be able to go in for this blood work on Monday, as it would have elevated my progesterone levels. And the good news is that, if my LP is around 15 days, it looks like I should be getting my period right around the time of the appointment, which means that we can do CD3 blood work right away if the RE orders it (which I certainly hope she does!!). I'm crossing my fingers that maybe AF will hold off until the day after-- it would be great if I could get an ultrasound at the first appointment!!

I'm grateful that Thanksgiving is this week. I have to work Monday & Tuesday, but I have the rest of the week off. We'll be traveling to SC to visit my parents on Thursday and on Friday, I'm thrilled to say that we're heading to Charleston. I miss the town where we fell in love, where we got married, where we became a family. It will be a short trip (probably just the day) but we'll see our old home, eat at our favorite restaurant, see the plantation where we got married, and maybe, if it's not too cold, take a walk on the beach. I. Can't. Wait.

My weekend has been consumed by my work on a RIDICULOUS 21 page grant application-- it's not due until December 1st, but I need to finish it before I take a break the second half of this week. I spent almost 5 hours on one page of financials today! It's going to take several more hours of work, but I'm hoping to have it finished by early afternoon tomorrow, so that Monday and Tuesday will be relatively stress free at work.

The only thing left to do before Thanksgiving is hound my old physician's office for my medical records-- I called twice last week and got a recording from the Medical Records Department that my call would be returned within 24 hours. No one has returned either call, even after I stressed in my message that I needed someone to call back on Friday. Monday morning I will call the receptionist at the appointment desk and tell her that I want to speak with someone. Don't transfer me to that voicemail again!!

Posting will most likely be sporadic this week as I try to enjoy a restful holiday.

I have so much to be thankful for!!

I Have a Feeling...

...that I had a complete meltdown yesterday for no reason.

Yesterday, FF was so sure that I had ovulated.
Today, my fickle friend seems to be second guessing herself.
Figures.

I'll still have to wait a few days and see what the temps do,
but I'm in a much better place today, regardless of what happens.

In the wise words of The Impatient Optimist:
"Just remember that not getting pregnant in a particular cycle is not a judgment on how hard you worked or how much you wanted it."

I want it. And my RE is going to help me get it.
The Countdown is on: 12 days!!