17 Weeks and Happy Birthday!

Today not only marks Week 17, but it's also Rob's 41st birthday! (Happy Birthday, honey!) It's hard to believe that this is his final birthday before he becomes a dad. (Even harder to believe, this baby is due 6 days before my 30th birthday in Sept!)

This week, the baby is the size of a baked potato:

And looks like this:
Baking Baby Blakely

"Packing on the pounds- that's what it's all about for baby this week. He's adding fat stores that will keep him warm and cozy after he's born. Your baby's weight will increase approximately six times over the next four weeks. Good to know you're not the only one tipping the scale.

Also this week:

Your baby is hard at work honing his sucking and swallowing reflexes—all the better for eating that 2 AM (and 5 AM, and 8 AM ...) meal in a few months!

The finger- and toenails are beginning to grow from their nail beds, which would explain why he'll need them trimmed almost as soon as he's born!

Your baby weighs nearly 5 ounces and is a little over 5 inches long—about the size of a baked potato (load on the butter and sour cream, please)."

The Big Ultrasound is 7 days from today. We can't wait!!

Happy Easter!

You are not a single lady.

http://vodpod.com/watch/3342471-you-are-not-a-single-lady-

16 Week Belly Pics

Last week, a few people asked to see belly pics with me wearing something a little more form-fitting. I didn't want to do it, but well...Alright, you asked for it.

Rob snapped this one of me today in my tank top as I was getting ready. I would never leave the house in something like this! I'm so much more comfortable in my (somewhat) loose maternity tops.

Ahhh... much better!

16 Weeks!

This week's post comes a day early, but:

a) I'm tired of reading my last few sad posts--I'm ready to see those move down the screen. We're still very upset, but we're doing our best to move on.

b) We had a doctor's appointment this morning.

Just a standard 16 week checkup today-- weight check (+1 lb from my 12 week appt, but still down 5 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight), blood pressure (normal), listen with the doppler (strong heartbeat), "How are you feeling?" (pretty good!) & done. Rob came with me, which I really appreciate, because I want him to know our doctor and build a relationship with her before the day I deliver.

We've decided to do the Quad Screen even though our NT Scan results were perfect. We figured, "Why not?" It's just one more blood draw & we don't expect any negative news.

The biggest news of today's appointment is that we scheduled our anatomy ultrasound for April 13th. I'm so excited to get this done-- Ever since the last ultrasound, we have our minds wrapped around this baby being a boy, but I feel like we can't get overly attached to that until we confirm. We feel pretty sure (the doc did say she was 90-95% sure), but still-- we're not painting the nursery or registering for anything or shouting from the rooftops "IT'S A BOY!" until we know for sure. So, two weeks from tomorrow, we'll know!

So, on to the 16 week update!

Baby is the size of a tube of mascara:
And looks like this (Hello, Bigfoot!):

Baking Baby Blakely

"Your baby is already mugging for the camera as he practices all sorts of facial expressions, such as squinting, yawning and grimacing, which will come in handy when you introduce him to pureed spinach.

Check out what else is happening in utero:

You're just getting comfortable with being a new mom, but you're actually on the road to being a grandma. If your baby is a girl, her uterus is fully developed and the ovaries already hold primitive egg cells. Did that just make you feel a thousand years old, or what?

Your baby's skin is still translucent and wrinkly, not unlike an old man's, but more fat will soon accumulate under the dermas to plump him out. If you could peer inside right now, you'd be able to see all of his veins under his skin. And speaking of veins, your baby's heart now pumps about 25 quarts of blood per day! Also, his eyes are now locked and loaded at their final destination, facing forward rather than to the sides. (Whew!)

This is the week women get an amniocentesis, if their doc recommends it. In addition to supplying doctors with a boatload of info about the baby's health, amnios are also more than 99 percent accurate in determining what version of baby you'll be having. So if you want to know and you're getting an amnio, now's a great time to find out for sure.

Your baby weighs about 3 ounces this week and measures between 4 and 5 inches, about the length of your mascara. "

Oh! I also added poll to the right sidebar-- weigh in on whether you think Baby Blakely is a Boy or Girl!

Trying to Forgive

Today is a difficult day.

I woke up this morning to a house that was entirely too quiet. Rob had left early for work, the dogs were basically hiding from me and the lack of the puppy whimpering to go outside was hard to deal with. I got in the shower and cried.

People have been unbelievably supportive. All of your comments have been so sweet & people from work have gone out of their way to call or stop by and tell me that this wasn't our fault, that these things just happen, that I can't hang onto this, that they love me & they don't want me putting my health or the baby's health in danger from being so upset.

Yet, last night and most of today has been spent alternating between crying and being sick over this.

I'm trying to forgive us.

I have an overwhelming sense of guilt right now. Obviously, there was no way for us to know that something like this would happen. Out dogs are extremely sociable-- we take them to the dog park, they're great with children & we've rescued multiple dogs and brought them into our home. We've never had any problems. The dogs had happily played in the yard together for days and had spent evenings in the kitchen together, with no conflicts. We made sure to feed them separately so that no one would get territorial over food & we made sure not to give them any bones or toys that they could potentially fight over. We did everything right.

I'm trying to forgive our dogs.

I feel like I can't even look at them right now. I have not spoken to them or pet them since I got home last night. I don't know what happened. I don't know who did it, yet I'm punishing both of them. I realize that if they did get aggressive towards the little guy, that it was an instinct, something beyond their control. I'm trying to remember that they are not experiencing the same emotions that I am, but because they are dogs, I don't really know what they are experiencing. They might be traumatized by what was a horrible accident. I really don't know & I never will.

What I do know, is that our dogs are not mean, vicious animals-- even though I know that recent events suggest otherwise. They are a precious part of our lives. Tate is smart and small and while he is extremely hyper, he can be a snuggler. Chloe is big and shy and kind of dumb, but has the sweetest, calmest disposition of any dog I've ever met. In fact, we've discussed training her to be a therapy dog where she could go to retirement homes and hospitals for people to play with her. She's really even tempered and doesn't get riled up easily. I have my suspicions about which one of them may have done this (probably not your first guess), yet it just seems impossible.

Red & Jin asked about my feelings about bringing a baby into a home with these dogs. It's a very fair question to ask but honestly, today, I don't know the answer. I brought this up with Rob last night-- I've never feared our dogs being around our baby. I've considered making them spend more time outside once the little one gets here, to cut down on dirt and dog hair. I've always assumed the baby will get licked in the face at some point & unfortunately ingest some dog hair in its life, but I've never worried about the safety of having our child near Tate & Chloe.

But now, these fears are a little hard to shake. Granted, we won't be going to work and leaving our child in the backyard with the two of them, but I'm thinking about smaller things. Will I ever be able to leave my baby in the swing while I take a quick shower without locking the dogs out of the house? When I give my baby a toy, will I have to worry that it might be something that the dogs want? Will my heart constantly jump every time a dog gets near my baby? I can't live like that.

I don't know what the answers are & I'm not sure when I will know.

I'm trying to let some of the drama and emotions calm down a little bit before I start seriously thinking about this. Because right now, I just can't think about it.

I'm focusing on forgiveness.

Shocked.Horrified.Devastated. (NBR)

**Don't want to terrify you. If you didn't catch the acronym in the post title, this is not Baby Blakely related.**

You know that feeling, when your heart sinks down past your stomach & into your feet? I got it this afternoon when Rob called me. I didn't even have to listen to what he said-- the sheer panic in his voice let me know that there was something really wrong.

We lost the puppy today.

And when I say lost, I only wish I meant that we couldn't find him.

Rob found him, in our backyard, not breathing. He tried to revive him but realized that he had been gone for some time, and there was nothing he could do. That's when I received his phone call, telling me to get home, that the puppy was dead.

It's taken us a few hours to piece together what we think happened. I didn't want to see the puppy, but the only way that Rob could deal with this was to figure out what happened to him. So we talked, and surveyed the yard, and Rob looked at this puppy's precious little body over and over-- until we came to some conclusions. Honestly, I wish we hadn't figured it out.

The puppy has multiple puncture wounds in three places on his neck and a bite on his leg. When we left, all three dogs were playing happily together. When we returned, the little one was gone. One of our dogs killed this puppy. I can't tell you how hard that is to write. I'm suspicious and ashamed of both of them right now, not to mention hysterically upset.

There aren't enough words to describe how we are feeling right now. Shocked, horrified & devastated don't even scratch the surface.