Sewing Sunday

I spent most (ok, ALL) of yesterday feeling quite lazy, so I decided to try to be productive today. Other people have been busy having babies and they need gifts!

Abbey is my brother's best friend's baby girl. I made her three monogrammed burp cloths and a pair of reversible baby shoes.

Luke is my mother's friend's son's baby boy. He's also getting three monogrammed burp cloths and a pair of reversible baby shoes.

While I was on a roll, I made a few burp cloth sets to add to my etsy shop.

The first set is Alexander Henry's 2D Zoo in Blue, paired with Michael Miller's Disco Dots:

The second set is Heather Ross' Goldfish fabric. (I plan on pairing it with a coordinating tangerine polka dot by Amy Butler) This is one of my favorite fabrics ever printed-- it's too bad it was discontinued. I have a little of this left I'm saving for a quilt, but I was able to make these with some scraps.

It's Rob's favorite,too. I think you can see why:

Hopefully, I'll have a chance to make a few more things this week!

Chart Update

CD48. 6DPO. CH still dotted. No AF.

So Long, Sophie...

Today we bid farewell to our sweet sweet Sophie.

Back in July, Rob and I traveled to Atlanta to watch his beloved Red Sox play the Braves. It was a scorcher-- almost 100 degrees and no shade at the 2pm game. After the game, as we were driving home on Interstate 20 we passed a dog wandering along the side of the road. This little girl was hot, hungry and miserable. We stopped and picked her up, put her in the back of the car and took her home.

Let me stop and say that Rob and I are both animal lovers-- I think we get it from our parents. My dad has never met a dog he didn't love and Rob's mom used to feed every cat she saw. It's in our blood. After driving up to NC to watch the World Series two years ago, we stopped and picked up a dog on the side of the road and, luckily, got him to a shelter. We have a system now: We pull over, run away from the highway to get the dog away from the road, then Rob takes off his belt and we use it as a leash. Works like a charm.

So, we got pretty attached to her fairly quickly. We couldn't just call her "Dog" so we started calling her Sophie. It just fit. We had every intention of either trying to find her family (dead end-- she wasn't microchipped) or giving her to a new family, we just weren't in any rush. We got her groomed, put her on flea meds and she became part of the family. She was smart-- she knew how to sit and shake and she was already housetrained. She was a great cuddler.

But, as time went by, we started feeling like our house was a little too small for the two of us, the three dogs, and (hopefully) a baby. We knew we had to find another home for her.

We put her up on Petfinder.org some time ago and went on with our lives. Then, a few days ago we got a phone call from the shelter, saying that someone from MS was interested in her and that they wanted to come to town today to see her. At first, I was thrilled that we had found a potential new owner for her. Then I started feeling sad that she might be leaving us.

This morning, I got up and drove her to the shelter. I talked to her the whole way there, trying to explain to her what was happening, as if she would understand. Rob even stopped by after his breakfast meeting for a final goodbye. I feel so guilty when I think about how confused she'll be that we've taken care of her for all of these months, then dropped her off with strangers and never came back.

I know it's for the best-- she's going to have kids to play with and a big yard to run around in, but as our family shrinks from five to four, I'll miss a little of the chaos. Tonight, the house will seem a little too quiet.

My New BFPBs!

Just wanted to give a shout out to my new BFPBs (Big Fat Positive Buddies) who may swing by from The Bump!

A BFPB is a friend who is also trying to get pregnant and supports you along your journey. We are all different ages and come from all over the country and Canada, but we have one thing in common: We all want to get pregnant. We have great families, friends and husbands, but it's comforting to be in the company of women who have empathy for all of the things you're feeling...frustration, anticipation, excitement, joy.

Much love to Amanda, Jen and Mitzi! Good luck!

Remember...

...when I pondered that temp shift? Well, when I entered my temp this morning (hello, 5am), I was greeted with this:

Holy crosshatch! I think I may have finally ovulated, which of course sent me into a panic about whether or not I should have taken that progesterone. (Relaxing just isn't in the cards for me, I think.) I called my amazing nurse this morning and she assured me that it was fine to continue taking the progesterone, as planned. Since progesterone is sometimes given to women to help sustain their pregnancies, taking it would pose no danger if we happen to get lucky this cycle, which is doubtful, but always possible.

Pause

I got my progesterone prescription filled tonight but have hesitated a little when it came time to take it... I keep looking at my chart and wondering if the slight temp rise the past few days means anything. I want it to mean something...but I'm sure it doesn't. I've been so ready to take this medicine to move on to the next cycle...I don't know why I'm pausing now. I guess that even when I'm convinced it's over, somewhere in the back of my mind, I still hoped that I was finally ovulating and that we still had a chance this cycle.

It's time to accept that we're out and that taking this medicine is what will help us move forward. (Seems a bit counter-intuitive...trying to force your body to get your period while you've been hoping to get pregnant.) I hope that it comes quickly, but I guess it really doesn't matter-- at this point, we've already passed the deadline for getting the bloodwork done before my appointment. Nothing can really change between now and then-- I hope I can just settle back for a few weeks, try to relax and look forward to getting to talk to the doctor soon.

Bottoms up.

29

29 years ago today, I was born on my mom's birthday. Ten days before her due date, my mom went into labor on the evening of the 19th, then had me around 7am on the 20th. It's always been special to me that we share the same birthday-- I know that I took this day from her long ago, but as I've gotten older, it's been fun to share it. We have made a point of spending our birthday together each year that we can. Last year, we were supposed to go to Paris to celebrate her 60th--but once again the attention fell on me, as my wedding fell 3 weeks after our birthday, and our trip got delayed (indefinitely).

This year, we were able to spend our day together. Rob was out of town at Vanderbilt this weekend, so my mom suggested that we meet in Atlanta for some shopping and relaxing. We had a blast! We got there Friday afternoon and were able to stay until mid-afternoon today. We stayed at the Marriott that's connected to Lenox, so we were able to walk right into the shopping-- we hardly noticed that it poured rain all weekend. Nine West, Banana Republic, Victoria's Secret, Tiffany's, Marc Jacobs, and Macy's got our money, but we had a great time looking in some of the high end stores. I even tried on a $79,000 sapphire ring! It's fun to dream.

I came home with quite a stash (thanks mom!), but here was my favorite thing:

What girl can resist the little blue box? So, this doesn't hold the $79,000 sapphire, but it does hold something pretty darn cute:

I've been ogling this in the catalog for a year or so-- it's part of their new charm collection.I wanted to start a bracelet and now I have my first charm! I've picked out a few more charms to add to my list for Christmas and future birthdays, all Tiffany's themed.

When I returned home, Rob had quite a few treats for me as well! He went in with my parents to get me the new Dell Netbook I've been wanting:

He also ordered me an amazing bracelet that he had artist Kathryn Riechert custom create for me. My picture doesn't do it justice, but it's a beautiful sterling silver cuff bracelet with the quote, "I love you more than I could ever promise," engraved on it. This is a line from the song that we danced to at our wedding: "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson who we are going to see (again!) this Thursday night.

The house looked beautiful when I got home (Rob did a fabulous job cleaning) and my presents were all wrapped with a card and balloons tied to them when I got home from Atlanta:

So, I'm not a big Dora the Explorer fan, but Rob couldn't resist this balloon, because it reminds us of one of our favorite SNL Digital Shorts, Maraka. You can watch the video here: Maraka/Dora the Explorer on SNL!

I had a wonderful birthday-- couldn't have been a better day!

The Plan, Take Two

I called my ob/gyn this morning and talked to the nurse. They want me to wait until Monday (CD44) to see if my period comes and if it doesn't, they want me to take a pregnancy test on Monday morning. Assuming it's negative (it will be), they want me to start on a medication called Prometrium (a synthetic progesterone). I'll take this for 10 days and it will force my body to start my period. She said to continue to chart my temps and to keep my appointment in October. If they can do the CD21 bloodwork before that appointment, they will. Otherwise, they'll just order the panel afterward.

Sigh.

I'm a little iffy about pumping my body full of fake progesterone. I trust my doctor, but this will be the first time in 17 years that I've needed medication to start my period. Stress much?!

Dear Body,

40 days. Seriously???

I hate that your lazy ovaries are sleeping on the job...

XOXO,

Stef

P.S. Emily told me today, "Your body is a wonderland." I'll have to respectfully disagree until I see some action around here. (Feeling more like a broken down amusement park.)

Come ON!

Cycle Day 36 and STILL no action. Never have I wanted my period to come so badly. I figured, based on previous months, that I wouldn't go longer than 35 days, but of course I was wrong.

Cycle 1: 33 days
Cycle 2: 40 days
Cycle 3: 34 days
Cycle 4: 31 days
Cycle 5: 36 days and counting

Out of desperation (and pathetic hope) I took a pregnancy test yesterday which was a complete waste of time and money as my chart has made it pretty clear that I didn't even ovulate this cycle. (Last time I checked, it was impossible to get pregnant without ovulating.) Big. Fat. Negative. Surprise, surprise.

After establishing "The Plan" and having something to look forward to, the wait is excruciating... and since I have my appointment to go over everything on Oct 12th, I'm running out of time to get my bloodwork done. I have to get my period, then wait 21 days to have the bloodwork done, then give the lab time to return the results to my doctor-- all in less than a month. AND I DO NOT WANT TO POSTPONE THAT APPOINTMENT! I'm stressed about it which is probably delaying my period, which makes me more stressed, which delays....

Rob and I were talking last night as we tried to fall asleep. He's getting frustrated. As much as I don't want him to feel that way, it was really nice to hear. It's a little isolating to feel like you're the only one to worry. Rob is such a laid back guy that he rarely stresses about things, and he always has the attitude that everything will work out. While he's still sure that everything will be fine, he admitted that this has taken longer than he thought it would and that he's ready for it to happen. We spent some time with our two nieces last weekend (ages 16 and 6 months) and it made both of us long for a baby of our own.

But for now, we wait. Wait for my period to come, wait for the bloodwork to be done, wait for the appointment with the doctor, wait for additional tests to be ordered...wait for a miracle. We wait for our baby.

P.S. No more Zoloft. No more side effect.

I hate Zoloft.

It's only been a week, but I can tell already that this isn't going to work-- the side effects will outweigh any benefits. Let's just say that attempting to make a baby hasn't been as enjoyable as it should be and I don't need any added anxiety about that. This is a really common side effect of taking SSRIs, so I'm not surprised...just disappointed.

Cycle Day #33...come on, body! You know I'm not pregnant, so why do you tease me? Perhaps it's so I can continue looking at this effing ugly chart every day:

Sigh. Hopefully my period will come soon so we can get this show on the road!

Down Low

Nothing to really get excited about, but I was pleased to see that the monitor showed a different reading this morning. I'm not happy that this indicates the lowest fertility point, but at least it's a change from the past 19 days of "High" readings.

The Plan

We have a plan.

It's no secret that I've taken Wellbutrin and Ativan to help me cope with depression and anxiety for years. Well, when we started trying to get pregnant, I stopped taking both of these. Wellbutrin is considered "safe if absolutely necessary" but I decided that I would try not to take it unless I really had to. Ativan is 100% not safe for pregnancy. The lack of these meds that I've depended on for a long time has really left me feeling a little out-of-sorts on some days. While I'm content to stay off the Wellbutrin for now, I'm feeling the need to find something to help with my anxiety. I'm a naturally anxious person, working in a high pressure environment and I worry (of course I do...) about the stress that my anxiety takes on my body. So I called my OB/GYN and had a long conversation today about what we can do. Zoloft is completely safe for pregnancy, so we're going to give that a shot. I'll start with a low dosage and see how it goes.

While I had the nurse on the phone, I was able to ask some questions about where we are... I told her that I was coming up on six months of trying to conceive and that we haven't had any luck yet. I've been using the Ovulite since March to attempt to pinpoint when I'm ovulating. In the middle of my 4th cycle I started charting my temps, but I haven't seen a clear thermal shift that indicates I'm ovulating. Then, for my 5th cycle I started using the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor. So far, I've had 18 days straight of "High" readings with no "Peak." The monitor is still "learning" me, so that alone doesn't worry me... But the combo of 5 cycles (I'm quite certain we'll move on to cycle six next week) with no luck, no clear BBT shifts AND no peak days? I'm a worrier. It's hard not to be concerned.

The nurse was extremely friendly and suggested that if we don't get pregnant this month, I come in on CD21-23 next cycle to have some bloodwork done. They'll test my progesterone levels and this will determine whether or not I ovulated. In addition, she told me to keep charting and keep doing the fertility monitor and saliva tests. She set me up for an appointment on October 12th. On that day, we can look over the charts, talk about the bloodwork and make a plan.

I feel great about this.

I understand that it can take healthy couples up to a year to conceive and that I know we haven't been trying that long... it's just that I have a nagging suspicion that something isn't quite right...and I don't want to wait another six months to find that out. I've felt kind of helpless the past 5 months. I started charting and using all of the ovulation tests so that I would feel proactive, but when the results haven't been clear, it's made me feel a little lost... like I don't know & can't trust my body. And if I don't know if/when I'm ovulating, we're really at a loss as far as timing each month.

I'm thrilled that my OB/GYN wants to see me--by the time my appointment rolls around, we will have been off of birth control exactly seven months. I feel like making this appointment is taking control and moving forward-- hopefully, that big fat negative will be a little easier to take this time around, knowing that, in six weeks, I'll (hopefully) have a clearer picture of where we are. In fact, I hope my period arrives soon so that I can go ahead and schedule the bloodwork! I'm optimistic that all tests will come back normal, but if they don't, at least we won't just be sitting around waiting.

We have a plan!