Baking

Me:
Can you believe that we're having a baby?!

Rob:
I'm so excited thinking about it. Can you turn up the temp in your oven so that it bakes more quickly?

7 Weeks

Week 7! Hard to believe we're over halfway through the first trimester. Here's the update!

Baby is the size of a tic tac this week:

And is starting to look a little more like a baby:

Baking Baby Blakely

"This week your baby's brain is growing at a mind-boggling 100 cells per minute within a see-through skull. If you could peer inside, you'd see those tiny brain cells growing and growing and growing (about as quickly as you feel like yours are shrinking and shrinking and shrinking with your "pregnancy brain"!).

More high points include: Your baby's face is becoming more defined this week. A tiny mouth hole (which will be ready to wail before you know it!), tongue, nostrils and ear indentations are visible. His or her eyes are wide open, but he doesn't have irises (the colored part) yet.

Baby's arm buds are growing. At this point they look more like microscopic ping-pong paddles than arms. Baby's leg buds are also forming and will look like tiny paddles by the end of the week.The umbilical cord—the connection between your baby and the placenta—is now visible.

Your baby is now between 1/3 and 1/4 inch long—about the length of a Tic Tac and about as heavy as an eyelash. While that sounds tiny, he or she is approximately 10,000 times bigger than at conception. Crazy, huh?"

Love at First Sight

I didn't sleep at all last night. I laid awake in bed worrying about what today's appointment would hold for us. I dozed several times, but between my pulse racing and my heart pounding, I really did not get much rest.

We got to the doctor's office and I was quite shaky. Rob tried to distract me and make me laugh, and it worked a few times. We went into our exam room, I hopped up on the table and we waited for what seemed like forever. I was so scared at what we might/might not see that I started to cry as Rob hugged me. It felt like such a defining moment in our lives-- the point where we say "This is really happening!" or we realize that we're right back to where we started from...

Well, I'm happy to say, this is really happening!


Baby Blakely is measuring right on schedule at 6w6d, and our due date is exactly what we thought it would be-- September 14th, 2010.

We saw the beautiful heartbeat-- I didn't get a specific number, but the doctor mentioned that she could see it was over 100. We took a short video -- you might be able to catch a glimpse of it.

We're so happy-- I think that we're both still in shock, a little bit. But it's starting to sink in, and I'm so excited to tell my parents in less than two weeks!! We are so thankful that everything went well today-- Thank you to everyone to who has been sending good thoughts our way!

Jinxed.

Dear Baby Blakely,

It's hard to believe that you've been with us for 6 1/2 weeks! Earlier this week it was hard to tell that you were even in my tummy, but over the past few days, you've made your presence known. Mommy had her fingers crossed that she'd be one of the lucky ones that wouldn't experience morning sickness-- Ha!

Over the past 3 days the (24 hour a day) queasiness has set in. I'm not actually throwing up (yet), but I feel like I'm going to most of the day. I'm wearing my Psi Bands and snacking on crackers every few hours--it seems to offer me some relief. The nausea on top of the fatigue has just about done me in the past few days-- Mommy is going to bed at 8:30pm most nights!

It stinks that you're making Mommy feel so bad, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Every moment is a reminder that you are with us and that you are growing. Daddy & I can't wait to see you on Monday!!

I love you,
Mommy

Six Weeks

It's hard to believe that so much grows and changes in a week, but here we are at Week Six-- the week of the ultrasound, which is six days away (next Monday).

I'm still feeling ok-- sore breasts and really tired, but no real morning sickness to speak of. I've felt slightly queasy when my stomach has been empty, but nothing horrible. Could I be one of the lucky ones who doesn't experience m/s or should I brace myself for it to hit any day now? (I'm hoping it's the former, but I'm guessing it's the latter.)
On to the update!

Baby is the size of this:

But looks like a Sea Monkey, like this:


Baking Baby Blakely

This week starts a period of rapid cellular development for your baby-to-be, who looks like a mini tadpole, with a tiny head and tail. His or her eyes, ears and mouth have begun to form (though they're a little more Discovery Channel "creatures of the sea" documentary than Gerber Baby at this point).

Other exciting milestones include: Your baby's heart is now beating to a regular beat, although it's still too faint to hear.

His or her arm buds are just beginning to, well, bud. They look like teensy swollen bumps at this point. In a few days, they'll resemble itsy-bitsy flippers.

Your baby has grown to ⅛ inch long—about the size of one of the chocolate sprinkles on your last cupcake (and your last ice cream cone, and your last sundae and your last giant cookie ... maybe there is something to those rumors about pregnancy cravings!).

Joy & Guilt

Life is really unfair-- this, I know.

Over the past year, I've read so many BFP posts. I could feel the joy radiating from women who were unbelievably excited that they were pregnant. As I read, I was really happy for them, but I was also very jealous. Tears of happiness (for them) and tears of sadness (for me) were almost always shed. I would find hope in the joy of women who were able to get pregnant, especially after infertility, but I would always wonder, "When will it be my turn? What if it's NEVER my turn?"

But it is my turn.
Over the past week, I've thought a lot about how lucky I am.

I've been thinking about Al, who is going through such a difficult & heartbreaking loss right now. I've been thinking about Colleen who recently went through a similar loss after waiting so long to get pregnant. I've been thinking about Egg, who is so patient and positive, yet yearns for a baby of her own. I've been thinking about TIO who has to think about MRIs in addition to appointments with REs. I've been thinking about Mrs. Lemon Cake who is pregnant for the third time in a year and is desperately hoping that the third time is the charm. I've been thinking about all of the women whose journeys I've been privileged to be a part of.

I still can't believe that 50mg of Clomid was all we needed to get pregnant. That's so amazing & yet so unfair....So many of you have done multiple IUIs or are moving on to IVF. I am so incredibly grateful that we didn't have to take that next step, but I can't forget about all of you that I care about, who DO have to take those steps... I'm feeling guilty that it was so "easy" for us and continues to be so difficult for so many amazing women.

I even feel slightly guilty about the sense of peace I feel about this pregnancy-- For someone who is constantly anxious, this is seemly impossible, but it's true. Yes, I was nervous about my beta blood work, but in my heart, I knew that it would be ok. I know that one week from tomorrow, I'll be full of butterflies as we go to our first ultrasound, but I truly believe that we will see a thriving little baby and a fluttering heartbeat. I know that at 5w5d we are far from being sure that this pregnancy will stick, but I'm trying to enjoy every moment of our miracle and not let the worry of what could be interfere with what is...

I remember how distant I initially felt from bloggers with BFPs-- I would read their posts and feel truly happy for them, but I no longer felt like we really connected as they had triumphed over IF and I had not. I felt their hope, but not their happiness. But now, reading the blogs of all of those women who travel with me through IF is a reminder-- not only where I've been, but where I (possibly) may end up again.

No matter what happens with this pregnancy, please, never let me forget how lucky I am.

Betas, Bagels & Blogiversary

I went back to Dr. RE this morning for my 2nd Beta.
I was so nervous waiting for that phone call...
HCG is growing beautifully today at 1,820!

I guess it's time to start the obligatory weekly updates about what's going on in my belly! Decided to use the updates from 3D Pregnancy instead of The Bump.

Week 5

Baby is about the size of this:
But looks creepy (I mean adorable) like this:
Baking Baby Blakely

Your baby's microscopic heart begins to beat this week—although it won't be detectable with one of those cool Dopplers for a few weeks, so you'll have to wait a little longer to hear that satisfying "whoosh-whoosh" you're so anxious for. Here's what else is under construction:

With the beating of the heart, blood will begin to circulate throughout the body. Your baby's first organ system will be up and running!

The beginnings of the brain; the cardiovascular, nervous and reproductive systems; as well as all other major systems are under way.

Your baby's new digs—the amniotic sac and the placenta (aka the hotel and the restaurant)—are still forming at this point. (Maybe you should send a housewarming gift.)

All that high-speed development and your baby is only 2 millimeters long—about the size of a sesame seed (check one out next time you're chowing down on a bagel—you won't believe how tiny it is!).

So, the next milestone is the ultrasound on the 25th where, hopefully, we'll get to see the heartbeat!!Trying to take it easy and get lots of rest until then.

And finally, Today is my 100th post! Happy Blogiversary to me!

I Smell Dead People

One of the great things about living in Charleston was that we were only about 15 minutes from the beach. As we would drive towards the water with the windows rolled down, the sweet scent of the salt air would fill the car. The Lowcountry is also full of marsh areas close to the water-- but their scent is classified as anything but sweet. On a good day, slightly sour. On a bad day, perfectly putrid. It became a joke as we crossed the bridge to "The Edge of America" that I would say, "I smell dead people."

I have always had a strong sense of smell but this, my friends, is ridiculous.

My sense of smell is certainly my strongest pregnancy symptom other than exhaustion & sore breasts. I noticed it the day after the BFP-- we had some friends over for a Battle of the Bands Guitar Hero Night on Friday evening and there was lots of drinking going on (not me, of course). In the morning, when I passed the recycling, the smell of alcohol was so strong my stomach churned. Then I walked past the sink & the smell of the plates (which had been rinsed!!) reeked of food.

Since then, it's gotten worse-- the kitchen at work reeks of garlic, my dogs are stinky, even the cheese I ate last night had a strange scent. Last night, my senstive sniffer reached a totally new level...

Rob stayed up quite a bit later than I did and took a bath (remember, we are showerless right now) before he came to bed. When he climbed into bed, I didn't stir, but when he snuggled up behind me I jerked awake.

"What's that smell?" I said.

"I don't know...what does it smell like?" he answered.

"It smells really really spicy."

Ladies, it was Old Spice Body Wash. Just the scent of my sweet husband bathing before bed is so startling it's waking me up at night. (And the scent, I should mention is something I picked out.)

This. Is. So.Weird.

Beta #1

I headed to Dr. RE's office this morning for my first round of blood work-- it was such a fun appointment as I got to surprise her with the news. We went ahead and did my first Beta and...

850!

I'll go back on Wednesday for my second round to see how things are progressing. Fingers crossed that it's somewhere around 1,700.

I had my thyroid levels checked too, and unfortunately they're still elevated (3.5, almost the same as they were 6 weeks ago). My medication needs to be increased and we need to keep a close watch on it, as Baby Blakely will be using my thyroid until he/she develops one. Typically, doses of Synthroid have to be increased during pregnancy. They'll monitor this several times each trimester.

No ultrasound today, but we are scheduled for January 25th at 9:30 to see the little one! The next two weeks will go by so slow...

When is this baby coming, anyway?

Now that we know that I'm pregnant, I've been trying to figure out exactly how far along we are. It's confusing!

According to FF, my due date is September 14th, 2010. (This is based on my ovulation date.) Several pregnancy tickers have said that this means I am 4 weeks and 5 days today. Sounds about right.

Then, I checked out What to Expect When You're Expecting. By the same due date, they calculate this as 5 weeks and 3 days.

To make matters even more confusing, if I use the first day of my last period (as many ob/gyns do), it says that I'm 6 weeks along, which for some reason, What to Expect actually counts this as 7 weeks!! I'm definitely NOT that far along yet. I do understand that the first two weeks of pregnancy you're not actually pregnant, but my cycles are long and I ovulate late so figuring out how far along we are based on LMP wouldn't be quite accurate.

I'm hoping that the RE can shed some light on this tomorrow when I go in for blood work, but I may just have to wait a few weeks to have our first ultrasound done.

Anyone have any ideas?

One Doodle That Can't Be Un-did

Every morning, I enter my temps, then at night I enter my Cervical Mucus & Cervical Position. Last night, I had some watery CM & when I entered it into FF, I got a message telling me that it moved my O day from CD28 back to CD24which meant I wasn't 13dpo today-- I was 17dpo.

I had every intention of waiting until Sunday to test, but when my O day changed, I realized that I was already past my usual LP. I debated what to do this morning-- should I wait until Sunday? Was I testing too early? What if my original ovulation date was right? I decided to go ahead—figured it would be negative and I’d get on with my day.

It's so surreal, but I was wrong & I'm in total shock.

I started shaking, then crying. I really wanted to tell Rob in some creative way, but all I could do was run into the bedroom, tell him to wake up, then shove the test in his face. He was totally confused. Had to explain it to him. I think he’s in shock. He had a huge grin on his face and asked me to come cuddle in bed with him for a while. I ended up being soooo late for work today (where I was totally useless anyway).

I already had an appointment scheduled with my RE on Monday (to pick up my Clomid and check my TSH levels), so I’ll get my 1st Beta bloodwork done then. (I called to try to get it done this morning, but the office was closed b/c of the weather.)

We're cautiously very excited. My mom and I had planned a trip together the first weekend in February, so I will tell her then. It's really important to me to get to tell her in person-- this will be my parents' first grandchild. If all goes well, by then I'll be almost 9 weeks and will feel better about telling people. I'm trying to keep it kind of quiet until then, even though I want to tell everyone I know! (So if you know me in real life, please don't tell anyone yet! I would obviously be devestated if my parents heard it from someone other than me.)

Rob made a few calls to his dad and sisters today & we found out that my sister-in-law Barbara is pregnant, too!! I can't believe this-- it looks like our due dates are only about 10 days apart. I'm ecstatic-- thrilled for her and so pleased that I'll have someone to go through this with.

There are so many things that I'm feeling today. I know my life has just changed forever. I am so relieved that all of the next steps we had talked about taking in regards to our fertility can be forgotten about (for now, at least). I feel slightly scared at what's to come. I feel so giddy that this day happened for us.

But most of all, I feel so lucky that I have had the support of the greatest group of women who are scattered all over the world, but draw together to support each other's journey through IF. I only hope that I can continue to be as supportive of these women in the coming months as they have been supportive of me. I know how lucky I am that this happened so "easily" for us & and I know how unfair and long this process has been for so many wonderful women who deserve their day. Obviously, the focus of this blog will shift in the coming weeks, but please know that I'll be just as involved in where you are now as I was before.

I don't know what to expect of the future, but I know I'll have amazing ladies by my side no matter what happens-- good or bad.

Hanging in There

Temps went back up again today-- tomorrow and Saturday are the "important" days though. 13dpo is when they dropped last cycle & 14dpo is when they dropped the previous cycle. If I make it through those two days, I'll probably break down and test on Sunday, when I expect to get my period.

I wish that my posts this week were more exciting, but really, this is all I've been thinking about.

Current mindset? Optimistic but realistic.

Wordless Wednesday

Waiting is the hardest part...

This has been the most difficult 2ww for me since we started trying to have a baby.

I can't help but stare at my chart, analyze my body for early symptoms and hope.

I've spent a lot of time looking at this chart overlay of my last three cycles-- The green line was cycle #5 that started at the beginning of August. It went on for 58 days, only to end with a dose of Prometrium, so I'm not sure if the "post ovulation" temp pattern is quite in line with what other cycles have looked like for me. The pink line is last cycle (completely unmedicated-- no Clomid, no progesterone) so I feel like it is a good gauge of how this cycle is shaping up.

My post o temps are so much higher this cycle than they were last cycle. I'm sure that doesn't mean anything, but it's nice to look at. Last cycle, temps dropped at 10dpo then rose for 11-12dpo and finally dipped again on 13-14dpo.

So really, I have about three more (excruciating) days before any of these temps actually "mean" something. Because, as Egg said,

"My temps are looking good, but let’s be honest folks, temps look good until they look bad."

Wiser words were never spoken.

Wishing & Waiting

I wish I could say that my silence on this blog the past few days was a result of me enjoying my vacation, but honestly, there's just been no news to post. We're in a holding pattern.

The insurance adjuster showed up on New Year's Eve and rang in our new year with some really shitty news-- It appears that our insurance will not be covering our water damage. According to him, insurance covers "sudden & accidental" damage. While we did have some sudden damage when the pipe burst, it appears that the root of the problem is a leak that's been happening for a long time-- and that, my friends, equals no coverage.

We spent the majority of the day in shock. What are we going to do? Once the plumbing is finally fixed, both of our bathrooms and our sunporch will have to be entirely torn apart. The subflooring will have to be repaired and then they will all have to be put back together.

The good news is that we'll get that new tile we wanted.

The bad news is that it will cost us about $10-$15k to get it.

We're looking into our options now. A loan, a second mortgage and wiping out our 401k's seem to be our best (?) options. None of them feel like good options, but we'll do what we have to do.

I'm into my second week of the 2ww-- 9dpo. My temps were steadily rising through 6dpo then dropped a bit-- nowhere near the coverline, but it was enough to take away my hopeful feelings about this cycle. (Silly, I know) This morning, they went back up. I really need to stop trying to analyze this part-- I know I ovulated & my temps really don't mean anything (as long as they stay above the coverline) until around 14dpo. FF suggests testing at 16dpo (if I make it that far without AF showing up) and I'm going to try to stick to that... I'll at least wait until next weekend.

Symptoms? Nah, not really. My breasts feel a little tender, but I'm pretty sure that's from me poking them constantly to see if they're sore. I've had some pretty bad heartburn the past few days, but that may just be from the spicy Chicken Tortilla Soup I made this weekend.

I'll keep everyone posted on any updates (house or chart) when there's news!