Bathtime: Then & Now

It's amazing how much he's changed.

Just Keep Swimming

We took Liam swimming for the first time today. The sun was shining, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and Liam absolutely loved being in the water. I was a little worried that the pool would be too cold for him and that he would cry, but he was such a champ and had a great time. In fact, the only time he cried was when we took him out to go home!

  I'm so glad that he's comfortable in the water... floating, kicking and playing. He'll definitely sleep well tonight. We can't wait to take him back!



Wordless Wednesday: Liam's New Highchair

I should tell you...

Infertility is, unfortunately, no stranger to my real life circle of friends or family for that matter. One family member adopted, one used fertility treatments & two of my dear friends from college are currently struggling to get pregnant.

The first, has a beautiful two year old son—the result of her 3rd IVF. They’ve just started the journey of providing him a sibling & it’s already been a rough road.

The second, is not as open about her struggles. She and her husband are private people & while she would be willing to answer any question I asked, she does not openly discuss the issue. I do know that they’ve been trying to get pregnant since we started TTC, maybe before. I do know that she’s upset, frustrated, heartbroken that they have not been able to get pregnant so far. Her husband travels a lot for work, so they dismissed much of the first year and a half of trying as just bad timing. But I know that she knows, at this point, there’s something else going on. What I don’t know, is if/when they’ll pursue testing and treatment.

I don’t talk to her as often as I’d like… we live states away & seem to have completely opposite schedules. She doesn’t read the blog & since I’m not on FB (no clue if she is) we don’t keep up that way either. Our communication consists of a few phone calls a year…but even though we don’t talk often, she’s very dear to me and I would do anything to avoid hurting her.

I need to tell her I’m pregnant… and I absolutely dread it.

This girl is the sweetest, most selfless person I’ve ever known. She never puts herself first. Telling her I was pregnant with Liam wasn’t easy, but she was so happy that we were pregnant, I can honestly say that I doubt she even paused to consider the fact that she was not. (You know—the typical I’m happy for you but sad for me IF emotion? I don’t know how, but she doesn’t do that.) She was so happy for us, so glad we liked our RE, so glad the Clomid worked.

But a surprise pregnancy is a different beast.

It’s SO unfair. I know that this is on the major list of IF etiquette no-nos to say this… but I would have given anything for this pregnancy to have been hers instead of mine. She’s been so patient… she’s been so kind, and yet still, she waits. Of course, I’m thrilled about this baby… but I could have waited. She’s waited long enough.

She called me the other day & I stared at the phone ringing in my hand until it rolled over to voicemail. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t break her heart. I couldn’t tell her that, again, it’s someone else’s turn and not hers.

She’ll be happy for me, I know it, because that’s just who she is. But I just want so desperately to have the opportunity to be happy for her…for her to get her wish and bring home her baby.

I’ve decided to e-mail her instead of calling her. I hate doing it this way, but I think that giving her a chance to read the news and digest it however she needs to would be much better than putting her on the spot and forcing her to react over the phone.

So, friends, any words of advice as I write this difficult email? I’m hoping to focus primarily on talking about where they are in their journey, but this news needs to be shared before I get any further along… I don't want her to feel isolated by not sharing the news, but I dread it anyway.



Letters to Liam, 8 months

My Little Liam,

Happy 8 months! My big boy, you are so happy & so much fun to be around. You are constantly smiling and laughing. You giggle like crazy when we tickle you or give you an extra strong hug.

It’s getting warm outside & Daddy & I can’t wait to take you swimming! You seem to love the water so much—you splash and kick in your bath. Speaking of baths, we finally started bathing you in the big tub! You’ve outgrown the sink so we bought you a bath seat and you tried it out this morning. You loved the freedom of being able to sit on your own in the tub. Marmi & Poppy just rented a beach house in FL for August and we can’t wait to go there with them & Aunt Sandy and Uncle Eric!

You’re getting stronger and a little more stable at sitting up. You can sit for longer periods of time without tipping over but you still fall when you try to reach for a toy. You’re not crawling yet, but you’re trying! You lay on your tummy and kick your legs hard enough to get your knees underneath you—you just can’t quite figure out how to go anywhere.

Your fourth tooth (left central incisor) has come in & you are starting to look so different! What was once a gummy grin is now a smile full of adorable tiny teeth. (You’re definitely going to have a gap in the front just like Mommy & Daddy both did.) You’ve started using those teeth to chew little pieces of sweet potato puffs and yogurt bites. You’re eating like such a big boy and I can’t wait to introduce you to more new foods.

Your personality shows a little more each month. I think you are going to be cheerful, but laid back and maybe a little sensitive. I can already tell that you have Mommy & Daddy’s stubbornness though—you get so mad when we tell you no! You love pulling people’s glasses off their face, yanking on jewelry and throwing things. When we say “No!” your mouth makes a tight little “o” shape, then your bottom lip turn down and you start to scream. It’s hard not to laugh, it’s so cute.

I can’t believe all of the ways that you are growing and changing…I marvel at the awesome little boy you are becoming. So many people love you so much, but I love you most of all!

I love you, boo-boo.

Mommy

And one extra-- a favorite outtake:

It's a...

GIRL!!!

(Maybe...)

We went to the doc for our NT Scan today and everything looked great. Fluid at the back of the neck measured at 1.45mm, which is perfect. Baby was measuring 1 day ahead and was flipping around, kicking, arching back, waving, etc. It's so fascinating to see!

We let the tech know that we would love to find out the sex, if she could tell. Well, this baby was being incredibly modest (completely unlike Liam) and kept crossing its legs. We got little peeks for a split second, then the legs would cross again. Our tech was very patient and tried for about 15 minutes to get a good look, but baby just wasn't having it. Rob thought he saw something between the legs (his guess was boy) & while I saw what he saw, to me, it looked like the early stages of a developing girl. It didn't look like what Liam looked like at this stage.

After several of those short glimpses, she said, "Well, I have a guess. I think it's a girl." She made us promise not to hold her to that & when we asked how sure she was, she said, "About 75%." While there's no way to be sure yet, I feel like she's right. This pregnancy has been really different than my pregnancy with Liam (which I know doesn't necessarily mean anything) and my symptoms have followed all of the old wives tales for girls (also doesn't prove anything)... I could very well be wrong, but I really do believe it's a girl. Five weeks until we (hopefully) find out for sure.

Some pics from today:

Profile

Stretching-- back arched

Scary Face (right)

Everything else looked good! My weight was down 2lbs and blood pressure was a little high, but I believe it was just nerves from having an ultrasound. We'll have our next appointment around 18 weeks and have our anatomy scan done where (fingers crossed) we'll find out for sure if Liam will have a baby sister!

Share the Love: A Response

I want to thank everyone who commented on the Share the Love post that I wrote a few days ago about my sister in law's recent loss. The past few days have been very difficult for her, but she's been surrounded by people who love her. Barb read the post (and comments, yay!) tonight and asked me to post this response:

"thank you all so very much --you are more than kind to leave such supportive and loving words...we are doing ok. It is hard - oh, there are no words to describe of course...but my 2 other babies are my saving grace - they make me smile when I'm sad, they will keep me going and I cannot be more thankful for that...Stef & I have some very special memories, incredible stories and amazing connections on so many levels - I love her dearly and this post filled me with incredible humbleness and gratitude.  Thanks to you all - you give me strength to look forward...wish you all the best of everything... "

Thanks again, friends, for being a warm hug in a cold place. You're the best.