Friday, May 13, 2011

Share the Love

I really love my sister in law.

Rob has always been extremely close to his little sister. They grew up only a year and half apart and went through a lot in their childhood together. When I met her, we really hit it off and our relationship has grown over the past 2 ½ years.

By Fall 2009, we were both trying to get pregnant. It took her less time than it did for us, but in Jan 2010 when I called to tell her I was pregnant she told us she was thrilled then shared with us that she was pregnant, too. Going through the pregnancy together last year was so much fun—we commiserated about our symptoms, we checked in after every doctor’s appointment, we took a fantastic vacation together & we talked though the birth of our kids.

Then a little over 2 months ago, I got a call from her, letting me know that (surprise!) she was pregnant again. A few hours later, she got a call from me, sharing the same news. We’ve been so excited to go through this together again—we’ve talked about names, symptoms, doctor’s appointments and how we’re going to manage it all.

Barb had her 14 week doctor’s appointment yesterday morning & learned that she lost the baby.

She’d been spotting for a few days, but nothing that really caused concern. When she got to her appointment, her doctor couldn’t feel her uterus. She was sent for an ultrasound & found out the devastating news: The sack measured at 10 weeks & the baby measured 8w1d with no heartbeat. Today, she’s having a D&C.

We’re all shocked & heartbroken.

She called me yesterday morning and as soon as she got the words out, we were both in tears. After two children that were easily conceived and (relatively) easily carried, she had no reason to believe that she would have any problem with this pregnancy.

I’m hurting for her. Both of us were surprised by our pregnancies and have struggled a little bit with how we’re going to handle children that were not in “the plan.” But as the weeks have passed, we’ve both grown attached to these babies (probably more than we realized). I can’t even imagine what this late loss feels like… I can only imagine that it feels like her heart has been ripped out of her chest.

I hate that she’s joining this community.

Women who have an easy time conceiving, who carry healthy babies and have uncomplicated births will never know the hurt, anxiety, pain, fear and heartache that women who have faced infertility and loss experience. My sweet sister-in-law had never experienced those emotions related to her fertility…until now. Now she’s stuck here with the rest of us… blaming herself, mourning her loss, wondering if she did something wrong & why her body has betrayed her. In short, she’s suddenly been thrust into the place that some of us have been stuck for years. I. Hate.It.

I wish there was a way to ensure that none of my friends or family EVER went through this. But she is.

So friends, I ask you, if infertility or loss has touched your life, will you please leave a comment for Barb? She reads this blog and can use all of the support she can get right now…and will for a while. She has no idea how amazing this community can be in tough times…I wish she didn’t need to know, but I’d love to show her how unbelievably supportive this group of women can be… I don’t know where I’d be without you guys and I hope she can find the same comfort I do.


  1. Oh Barb, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how devastating it would be to lose a pregnancy so late. I wouldn't know how to carry on. I hope you can find some form of hope and happiness in your two children and your husband during this difficult time. Please know that you are in my thoughts and in my heart.

  2. Barb, I know there are not words to say that will make this any easier for you. But do know that you are not alone. Though everyone's story is different, there are so. many. fabulous. women out there who have been touched by infertility or loss in some way. And I'm sure that doesn't make it any easier right now, but hopefully you can accept our words and support and know that you WILL get through this. I can only imagine the roller coaster you have been on recently first finding out between the shocking news, the journey to be excited about it, and now this tragic turn of events. I'm so, so sorry that you have to join "us".

    I am thinking of you and Stef and your families.

  3. Barb,
    Although I have never experienced the pain of pregnancy loss, I do know how it feels to be in love with a life growing inside you. I am deeply sorry for your loss.

  4. I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling now, Barb. I had a missed miscarriage with my first pregnancy, and it is unbelievably devastating. The pain does lighten over time, but it takes a while. Be kind to yourself and remember that you did nothing wrong and this isn't your fault. It's one of life's unfairnesses.

  5. Barb,

    I've never experienced a loss or the pain of infertility, but I do know how immediate the connection is to the little one that you are carrying. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I hope that Stef and your family can be a great comfort and support to you during and after this heartbreaking time. I am so, so sorry. *hugs*

  6. Barb,
    You walk a road that so many of us have traveled before you. Please know that as you navigate the uncertain path of grief and loss, we are all praying for you as we know just how painful the journey is. As with mostly all things, time helps. Hang in there sweetheart. Many hugs.

  7. I am so incredibly sorry for you loss, Barb. Losing a baby is so incredibly heartbreaking and though we never completely get over that loss, the pain and the emptiness that it leaves does fade with time. be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. remember that you are stronger than you know and you will get through this difficult time. Huge hugs xo.

  8. OMG, I'm so sorry for your SIL's loss. I'm in tears over here.

    Barb, I'll be thinking of you. I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

  9. Barb,
    I am so sorry to hear this! *Hugs* You are in my thoughts and prayers!!