Share the Love

I really love my sister in law.

Rob has always been extremely close to his little sister. They grew up only a year and half apart and went through a lot in their childhood together. When I met her, we really hit it off and our relationship has grown over the past 2 ½ years.

By Fall 2009, we were both trying to get pregnant. It took her less time than it did for us, but in Jan 2010 when I called to tell her I was pregnant she told us she was thrilled then shared with us that she was pregnant, too. Going through the pregnancy together last year was so much fun—we commiserated about our symptoms, we checked in after every doctor’s appointment, we took a fantastic vacation together & we talked though the birth of our kids.

Then a little over 2 months ago, I got a call from her, letting me know that (surprise!) she was pregnant again. A few hours later, she got a call from me, sharing the same news. We’ve been so excited to go through this together again—we’ve talked about names, symptoms, doctor’s appointments and how we’re going to manage it all.

Barb had her 14 week doctor’s appointment yesterday morning & learned that she lost the baby.

She’d been spotting for a few days, but nothing that really caused concern. When she got to her appointment, her doctor couldn’t feel her uterus. She was sent for an ultrasound & found out the devastating news: The sack measured at 10 weeks & the baby measured 8w1d with no heartbeat. Today, she’s having a D&C.

We’re all shocked & heartbroken.

She called me yesterday morning and as soon as she got the words out, we were both in tears. After two children that were easily conceived and (relatively) easily carried, she had no reason to believe that she would have any problem with this pregnancy.

I’m hurting for her. Both of us were surprised by our pregnancies and have struggled a little bit with how we’re going to handle children that were not in “the plan.” But as the weeks have passed, we’ve both grown attached to these babies (probably more than we realized). I can’t even imagine what this late loss feels like… I can only imagine that it feels like her heart has been ripped out of her chest.

I hate that she’s joining this community.

Women who have an easy time conceiving, who carry healthy babies and have uncomplicated births will never know the hurt, anxiety, pain, fear and heartache that women who have faced infertility and loss experience. My sweet sister-in-law had never experienced those emotions related to her fertility…until now. Now she’s stuck here with the rest of us… blaming herself, mourning her loss, wondering if she did something wrong & why her body has betrayed her. In short, she’s suddenly been thrust into the place that some of us have been stuck for years. I. Hate.It.

I wish there was a way to ensure that none of my friends or family EVER went through this. But she is.

So friends, I ask you, if infertility or loss has touched your life, will you please leave a comment for Barb? She reads this blog and can use all of the support she can get right now…and will for a while. She has no idea how amazing this community can be in tough times…I wish she didn’t need to know, but I’d love to show her how unbelievably supportive this group of women can be… I don’t know where I’d be without you guys and I hope she can find the same comfort I do.