Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Change.

It's a new year. One that will being many changes for our family.
 I have some news that it’s time to share…And it’s probably pretty surprising.

The week before Christmas, I filed for divorce.

This was not a surprise to Rob & he was in total agreement that this is the right decision for us… but I understand that this may seem like it came out of nowhere. I assure you, it didn’t.

My blog is not anonymous. My name, my husband’s name and my children’s names are splashed all over the place. I’m a firm believer that you just don’t talk about these kinds of things… not here, not where the story is one sided. Not where the words we write will live forever. So, any struggles that we’ve had in our marriage have remained absent from this space, because it’s the respectful thing to do.

And I want to be clear—that will not change. Might I vent about any frustrations in our situation that (I’m sure) will arise as we transition into the future? Absolutely. But never in a way that is malicious or unfair. My husband’s family reads this blog & one day, our boys might. I never want to discuss the intimate details of our private problems in such a public way.

So, “Why?” you might be asking.

This is a decision that I’ve thought about for a LONG time…something I’ve considered (and we’ve talked about) for years. But, I’ve always felt like I should continue to work on things… I felt guilty for “giving up” on my marriage. I take my vows very seriously, and I’ve always wanted to do what’s in the boys’ best interest. I’ve struggled— feeling like making the decision for us to split was selfish. But we’ve been in and out of counseling our whole marriage and our last round finally gave me the peace to say that we did everything we could to make it work…and it’s just not working.

The short answer is: We bring out the worst in each other. I’m tired of my boys seeing the worst version of me. They deserve the best.

So, how am I feeling?

I’m sad. (I had faith for a long time that we just needed some help learning to communicate better.) I’m scared. (How will I take care of a 1 year old and a 2 year old most of the time on my own?) I’m relieved. (I don’t have to dread doing this anymore because it’s done.) I’m hopeful. (I would love for Rob and I to be able to co-parent peacefully.) There’s so much to process… I’m sure it will take a long time to sort out all of these feelings.

But I wanted to put it out there… that this is the big change that I referenced in previous posts. This blog has been such an amazing source of support for me—through infertility & two pregnancies. I’m at another huge crossroads in my life and I hope that I feel the same reassurance that I’ve felt in the past by writing in this space. Despite the big changes ahead, we’re going to be ok. I’m going to be ok.

Two boys. One mom. Challenge accepted.

21 comments:

  1. I'm here for whatever you need. You're amazing and strong and handling this with grace. Love you

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  2. Oh Steff, I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say, except that I will be here for whatever these changes bring.

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  3. You are strong and wonderful. Anyone who reads this space knows how passionately committed you are to your family and those boys. I feel total confidence that this will lead to a happier life for all of you and that you will handle it with your usual grace and thoughtfulness.

    So much love to you.

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  4. I agree that staying together is definitely NOT necessarily the best thing, and I commend you on having the strength and wisdom to make this decision in spite of how difficult and sad it is to do. I will definitely be here to support you during difficult situations ahead, but I am also very happy for your opportunity to find (and show your sons) the better you that exists outside of your marriage.

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  5. Hugs and love and so much support from this chick.

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  6. Stef, I'm so sorry. Divorce is tough, but you will make it through and come out even stronger. I know I'm just a stranger in the bright, glowy box, but I'm here if you need anything.

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  7. So sorry you have this to go thorough, but as you said it wasn't a surprise. Much love and support as you navigate this new season of your life.

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  8. You are very brave for doing what you need to do. I am here to support you in any way I can.

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  9. Oh my goodness, Stef! You're right - I certainly do feel surprised. But mostly I feel admiration. You are such a brave and graceful woman and I respect that you have managed to keep your marital issues private - not always something that is easy to do. I fully believe that you all are going to be okay.
    So much more to say, but this is enough for this forum. Thinking of you, Stef.

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  10. Sending you so much love and support. It took a lot of courage to make the best decision for your family. ((hugs))

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  11. Lots of love and support your way! You are so strong for doing what you know is right for you and your boys! Hugs!

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  12. Thoughts and prayers to you during this time....hang in there!

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  13. I'm so sorry you are going through this. :( Lots of thoughts and prayers throughout this entire process.

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  14. Oh Stef. I said it before and I'll say it again. You are STRONG, you are an INCREDIBLE mother to those boys, and you WILL get through this.

    Wish I could be there to give you a big ol' hug (and a big ol' drink).

    Hang on. The better times are coming!

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  15. Oh Stephanie! I am so sorry to hear that things have resulted in that. I know that you all can get through this. Stay strong!

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  16. I'm so sorry you're going through this, hunny. You are strong and you are a fantastic mother - those kiddos are so lucky to have you. I hope this decision brings you peace and happiness - you deserve it. *hugs*

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  17. Sending you hugs, love, and strength. Lean on the people you love and you'll get through this.

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  18. Oh Stef. I read this early in the morning and have been thinking of you literally all day and trying to think of something to say. I know I don't have the right words, but just know you are on my heart. You are incredibly brave, strong, and admirable- you are handling this with such grace and strength. I'm so glad you will continue to blog and reach out for support in that way. Love to you and your boys.

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  19. Oh my gosh. I am SO sorry, Stef. I don't even know what to say except that you are a strong, brave woman, and I am here to support you 100%. Sending you lots of love.

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  20. Hi Stefanie! I'm sure you won't remember but I'm a good friend of Tyler's and met you at Tyler's shower for her twins last year. At the party we spoke a bit, I believe you were just about to deliver your son Jack at the time, and we talked about blogs and I've followed your blog ever since! Anyway, I just felt the need to reach out as I'm sure this was a difficult decision for you to come to. I also have been through a divorce years ago and remember how tough it was at the time but I believe it was the right decision. I live in Hoover and would love to meet up with you and Tyler sometime if you would like for a girls night out! Hope you feel support across the miles and thanks for sharing yourself with us via your blog. Cheers! Windsor Ferzli superferzlis@hotmail.com

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