Still sick.

After a trip to the doctor, complete with chest xrays and bloodwork, I found out that an upper respiratory infection is the cause of my misery. I'm so thankful that it's not the flu-- this should be easier to recover from. I got a steroid shot at the doctor, went to pick up $120 worth of prescriptions (oh. my. god.) and now I'm back home in the bed, nursing a mug full of chai tea. I'm hoping that the steroids will give me a boost of energy this afternoon and that I might be able to get some work done-- if not today, then tomorrow. Two days out of the office is going to kill me and I haven't felt well enough to even work from home. I don't want to be behind.

But for now, until I feel a little better, I rest.

I'm sick.

I've had a tickle in my throat since the beginning of the week & yesterday, I developed a cough that I couldn't ignore. I came home from work a few hours early to try to rest a little & I thought it was just allergies until I developed a fever last night...

Since then, I've felt achy, tired, with a sore throat, cough, runny nose and headache. I have no appetite and I alternate between being freezing and roasting. I must have come down with some little bug.

My fever has hovered around 99.8 degrees which doesn't sound too bad-- But my body temp is , on average, a little over 97 degrees (not a typical 98.6) so this is more of a fever for me than some people-- similar to 101.4...

Hopefully I'll start feeling better tomorrow.

::weak smile::

Finally.

Thank God. After a 58 day anovulatory cycle with progesterone and two days of spotting, I finally got my period this afternoon. Never have I been so excited to move on to the next cycle. This cycle has felt "over" for weeks.

With my upcoming ob/gyn appointment, I wondered if she might order CD3 bloodwork, as I'm concerned about PCOS. If she ordered this at the appointment on Monday, I realized that if next cycle goes like this one did, I may not be back to CD3 for months... I called the office and expressed this concern to my nurse who promised that they wouldn't let me go almost 60 days without a period again-- they'd put me on progesterone much earlier next cycle, if needed. Also, there's some baseline bloodwork that can still be done on CD7. She said, "Go ahead and come in on Monday and bring all of your charts and any data you've collected and we'll make a plan at your infertility workup."

"Your infertility workup."

:::silence:::

The words hit me like a slap in the face.

Yes, I'm happy to be moving forward with this appointment. Yes, I'm eager to find out if there's something preventing us from getting pregnant or whether it's just been bad luck. Yes, I think that PCOS is a real possibility. No, I'm not ready to think of myself as infertile.

No one called me infertile. I get that. But it's the first time that word has been used in reference to a possibility about us and it scares me. It really scares me. I'm feeling the weight of the reality of this appointment now-- we're past the halfway mark in what's considered a "normal" time to conceive and we know that my body isn't cooperating. While some might be able to see the glass as half full and realize that we have 5 more months of trying before we're officially branded with the label of infertility (unless these test results find something sooner), 7 months of disappointment are heavy on my heart and I feel discouraged. What I believed would be a beautiful journey into parenthood has turned into a stressful struggle.

And I'm scared.

Swimmy, Splashy, Spotty

Heather Ross' Goldfish fabric is one of my absolute favorite fabrics, but I rarely use it in my projects because it's been discontinued, I only have a little left, and I want to save it for a special project. The few times I have used it, I've been very careful to save any scraps I could-- last night I was looking in my scrap bucket and I had an idea to make some onesies with some stray pieces of "Goldfish in Bags." I love how they turned out!

As for Spotty, that's not a Goldfish-- it's my new nickname. Since my body loves to tease me, I started spotting two days ago, but have still not gotten my period. Tomorrow will be 60 days--at least I have some fun projects to distract myself...

Wonky

Rob and I didn't save the top layer of our wedding cake last year-- we were traveling for our honeymoon right after the wedding and didn't have a way to save it. So, for our anniversary, I thought I'd have a mini version of our cake made to celebrate. Here's a pic of our "real" cake:

I had been in contact with a bakery here about trying to recreate this and they were going to charge too much money to do it, so I went to Publix. I took the picture in to show them and the woman assured me that they could recreate the cake with no problem.

This is what I got when I picked it up yesterday:

And this is what it looked like by the time we got around to eating it, after dinner:

Ummm, this didn't quite turn out like I had hoped it would...after a l-o-n-g conversation with the bakery manager, I walked out with a significant discount. I made it to the car before I started crying. This was the only thing I did for our anniversary, and it turned out hideous.

We still ate it-- and laughed about it while we drank our champagne.
This morning, I can see that the cake is perfectly good.
It's just a little wonky.
Kind of like us.

One

Nope.

This is what I saw in my bathroom this morning:

Ok, well, that's what it should have said.

My dear, sweet, optimistic husband still had high hopes that since we're at cycle day 58 and I still have not gotten my period, I might be pregnant. And despite my accurate understanding of biology and how ovulation works (or doesn't), and my certainty that I'm not pregnant, I took a test this morning. Negative, of course.

I never thought I'd say this, but I wish Rob was right and I was wrong.