Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The Plan

We have a plan.

It's no secret that I've taken Wellbutrin and Ativan to help me cope with depression and anxiety for years. Well, when we started trying to get pregnant, I stopped taking both of these. Wellbutrin is considered "safe if absolutely necessary" but I decided that I would try not to take it unless I really had to. Ativan is 100% not safe for pregnancy. The lack of these meds that I've depended on for a long time has really left me feeling a little out-of-sorts on some days. While I'm content to stay off the Wellbutrin for now, I'm feeling the need to find something to help with my anxiety. I'm a naturally anxious person, working in a high pressure environment and I worry (of course I do...) about the stress that my anxiety takes on my body. So I called my OB/GYN and had a long conversation today about what we can do. Zoloft is completely safe for pregnancy, so we're going to give that a shot. I'll start with a low dosage and see how it goes.

While I had the nurse on the phone, I was able to ask some questions about where we are... I told her that I was coming up on six months of trying to conceive and that we haven't had any luck yet. I've been using the Ovulite since March to attempt to pinpoint when I'm ovulating. In the middle of my 4th cycle I started charting my temps, but I haven't seen a clear thermal shift that indicates I'm ovulating. Then, for my 5th cycle I started using the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor. So far, I've had 18 days straight of "High" readings with no "Peak." The monitor is still "learning" me, so that alone doesn't worry me... But the combo of 5 cycles (I'm quite certain we'll move on to cycle six next week) with no luck, no clear BBT shifts AND no peak days? I'm a worrier. It's hard not to be concerned.

The nurse was extremely friendly and suggested that if we don't get pregnant this month, I come in on CD21-23 next cycle to have some bloodwork done. They'll test my progesterone levels and this will determine whether or not I ovulated. In addition, she told me to keep charting and keep doing the fertility monitor and saliva tests. She set me up for an appointment on October 12th. On that day, we can look over the charts, talk about the bloodwork and make a plan.

I feel great about this.

I understand that it can take healthy couples up to a year to conceive and that I know we haven't been trying that long... it's just that I have a nagging suspicion that something isn't quite right...and I don't want to wait another six months to find that out. I've felt kind of helpless the past 5 months. I started charting and using all of the ovulation tests so that I would feel proactive, but when the results haven't been clear, it's made me feel a little lost... like I don't know & can't trust my body. And if I don't know if/when I'm ovulating, we're really at a loss as far as timing each month.

I'm thrilled that my OB/GYN wants to see me--by the time my appointment rolls around, we will have been off of birth control exactly seven months. I feel like making this appointment is taking control and moving forward-- hopefully, that big fat negative will be a little easier to take this time around, knowing that, in six weeks, I'll (hopefully) have a clearer picture of where we are. In fact, I hope my period arrives soon so that I can go ahead and schedule the bloodwork! I'm optimistic that all tests will come back normal, but if they don't, at least we won't just be sitting around waiting.

We have a plan!

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