Sunday, November 29, 2009

1 Down, 1 To Go

Late last night, I started spotting-- While I felt that typical twinge of disappointment at another failed cycle (My sore breasts for the last week gave me a little glimmer of hope that I kept trying to talk myself out of, but was never really able to.), I really was relieved that my period held off long enough to ensure that whatever tests that the RE orders can be done this cycle. So today is officially CD1.

The RE appointment is tomorrow. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm a bit sad that it's come to this, but I'm happy to be moving forward and getting some help. We're into our 7th cycle, and halfway through our 9th month. I started worrying the first month that we started trying to get pregnant that something was wrong. I don't know why, but I've always had a feeling that I wouldn't get pregnant easily. I don't know if it was just because I've always wanted it so much? I was a nanny all through college and every time I held those babies, I thought about how it would feel when the baby I was holding was finally mine. I still think about it, every single day.

When I got married, I planned most of the details of our wedding on my own-- picking out everything I wanted, making lists, sketching exactly how I wanted things to be. It wasn't until the day of our wedding that I was finally able to turn the details over to someone else, our wedding designer, who knew exactly what I wanted. She made my dreams come true. And having her there, knowing that my goals were her goals-- that peace of mind was priceless.

Over the past 9 months, I've felt like I've constantly had to be one step ahead of my ob/gyn: requesting tests, researching results, deferring meds. I'm ready for someone else to schedule the tests, interpret the results (correctly!) and make an aggressive yet comfortable plan for us.

This what I want more than anything tomorrow-- I'm ready to turn this over. I'm ready for someone to take the worry of trying to have a baby out of my hands. She knows what I want and will (hopefully) know what to do to make my dreams come true. The peace of mind & knowing that my goals are her goals will be priceless.

I'm looking forward to writing an update tomorrow night!


  1. I'm so glad your appointment is nearly here! And I know just what you mean about always suspecting you would have trouble conceiving - I have always felt that way too, but I can't really explain why.
    Good luck tomorrow, I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes.


  2. Despite always having regular cycles, I always had a sinking suspicion that I would struggle to get pregnant...mostly b/c it was the one thing in life that I always knew I wanted. It really sucks that we were both right, huh???

    I can't wait to hear about your RE appointment tomorrow! Good luck, I hope it goes well!

  3. This is how I felt. I felt that my Ob/gyn and I were doing this together. I didn't feel like she was helping much at all and that's when we decided to skip over her and go to the experts. I felt such a peace when my doc gave us a PLAN!
    I know that today will be great for y'all. I'll be thinking about y'all today!!!

  4. Good luck today! I hope your RE is great and she gives you a fantastic plan to move forward with. I can't wait to read your update!

  5. Good luck at your appointment! I'm so excited for you. It WILL HAPPEN. The 9th month was it for me, maybe it will be for you too! What an awesome Christmas surprise!

  6. Stef, I can't wait to read about your updates. This appointment is going to be amazing, and I have such high hopes for you this cycle and the next 5 cycles.

    Even before we decided to TTC, I had a feeling I'd struggle with getting pregnant, too. Probably for the same reason--I want this more than anything ever in my life. I keep telling myself that this is the hard stuff that will make the sweet stuff even better.