Monday, December 21, 2009

A Bit of a Break

Today is the first day of a glorious Christmas vacation. My office is closed for the next two weeks and although I need to pop in to get some work done, the fact that I'm not expected to be there is a relief. We had a fantastic weekend with a house full of company. My parents came in town on Thursday and stayed until yesterday morning-- every year on the weekend before Christmas, we have a family Christmas party full of aunts, uncles and cousins.

My mom is the oldest of six kids and four of her brothers and sisters and their families live here, so family gatherings are quite an event! Most of us are very close, so getting together is always a blast. There's tons of food and a great gag gift exchange. Most of my cousins are now in their 20's and 30's, but the past few years have seen babies and kids added to the mix (my mom's youngest sister has a 4 & 5 year old and my oldest cousin has 4 year old quads. Yes, I said QUADS.), so the spirit of the party now resembles how it was when I was a child. So much fun.

After my parents left yesterday, my aunt and cousin came to stay with us for the night-- It was so great to visit with them away from the huge group we had been in the night before. My aunt and I have always been close due to our age (she's 11 years older than me & is younger than my husband!) and I've always felt a special connection to her kids. They moved to TX over the summer and I miss them terribly-- this was the first time I've seen them since we took the kids Blueberry picking as a final farewell in August. They've grown so much!!

As fantastic as it was to have a full house this weekend, I'm basking in the silence today. I spent much of the day in a fluffy white marshmallow robe in my bed, watching tv and catching up on blogs and celebrity gossip websites. I've taken several bubble baths (yep, more than one today!), I've wrapped Christmas presents and I had grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for dinner. Mmm Mmm Good.

This morning, I went to the RE for progesterone blood work-- I knew it would be bad based on the fact that I never got a +OPK and my temps are still all over the place. I spoke with the nurse this afternoon and she gave me the results-- drumroll please....


Trying to look on the bright side of things, I guess I could acknowledge that it doubled from last cycle (which was 0.79), but considering that it should be around 15 for a Clomid cycle, I have to recognize that they're pretty terrible results... I'm not dwelling on that, I'm just ready to move on to the next cycle. Considering that my cycles have been around 60 days since the summer, I was hoping that the doc might let me go ahead and start a progesterone prescription today, but the nurse told me I need to hold off. She said that they usually don't want patients to start the rx until CD35.
It's 10 days of pills, then it usually takes about 5 days for me to get AF after I finish them... If I started taking them today I'd still have a 38 day cycle. If I have to wait until CD35 to take them, I'm looking at a 50 day cycle...I was so hoping that they wouldn't let these useless cycles go on & on...

I wasn't upset at all about my progesterone being so low-- I expected it. However, when I got off the phone and told Rob that I couldn't start my progesterone prescription yet, I was so frustrated I burst into tears. I can work past the disappointment of a treatment not working-- I can't stand the idle time (when we know something didn't work, but can't move on yet to try something else) in between cycles.

I'm trying to be patient, but I'm not doing a very good job.
The nurse said that she would talk to the doctor and make a plan, then call me back. She did mention though, that they would double the Clomid to 100mg next cycle (whenever that starts) and she asked for my pharmacy phone number.

I'm really reaching for a way to spin this into a positive-- at least there will be no stress about trying to get pregnant for the rest of 2009. No OPKs, no timed sex, etc. I can just enjoy the holidays, have sex whenever we want to and prepare for a fresh start in January. I can appreciate that.

I guess.


  1. I feel your pain! My first round of Clomid was a disaster! Like I said before, my progesterone level was actually lower than my previous unmedicated cycle. Go figure! They also made me wait for what seemed like forever before prescribing me Provera. I think that cycle was something like 44 days??

    It is so frustrating when you don't have control over a situation. And I know that we're finally willing to hand over the reins, but it doesn't make any of this any easier!

    Rest assure that things will work themselves out and enjoy the holidays with family & your hubby! :)

  2. I hate that useless waiting time, so I completely understand your frustration.

    But remember--2010 is the Year of Hope and Achievement. This is the year it's all going to happen. Let's just put 2009 behind us and move on to bigger and better. I'm right there with you!

  3. Stef, I feel exactly the same as you. I don't mind time passing when I'm actually doing something productive, because it gives me hope and I feel proactive. But the useless empty time while waiting, and all the while feeling time slipping by while it feels like you're achieving nothing... that's so much harder to bear.
    I'm glad you've had a lovely weekend to keep you mind off things, and I'm so glad you can have a bit of a holiday now. It sounds like you deserve it.

  4. You hit the nail on the head. Any day I can take a little pill, I feel like I'm at least working toward my goal. The forced month off last cycle, counting down the days, was pure torture. On the upside, 100mg seems to do the trick for a lot of people, so once you get rolling with that, it's all possible again! :) And I love Secret Sloper's mantra for 2010, the Year of Hope and Achievement. Amen!!!

  5. Ugh, I am so sorry about the low progesterone number. I hope they give you some meds to induce AF soon so you can move on to the next cycle. Enjoy that alone time while you can before the craziness of the holidays!

  6. I am so sorry this month was a bust, the waiting has to be torture. I hope that they give you meds so you can start the next cycle. I hope the higher dose of clomid does the trick - 100 mgs helped me. I can't say if it was successful, but my prog number was much better.

    I hope you enjoy the break from TTC and work over Christmas! Hugs!

  7. I hate this for y'all! It is frustrating not knowing!
    I had to take a month's worth of hormone replacement therapy(women on MENOPAUSE do this) b/c my estrogen level was barely existant!
    It feels like you are running NO WHERE!